


No, You Aren’t

by happy_lettuce_leaf



Series: Tony stark is an actual father [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Peter Parker Is Not Fine, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is fine, Tony gives peter the hug, fluff for a short minute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 09:11:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19885174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happy_lettuce_leaf/pseuds/happy_lettuce_leaf
Summary: Peter Parker was fine.If he convinced himself he was fine, maybe he could convince everyone else.Tony is set out to change that.Or:Peter isn’t fine and Tony notices.





	No, You Aren’t

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: mentions of panic attacks and nightmares. He doesn’t have one, but he talks to Tony about it. 
> 
> Stay safe <3
> 
> Also, cussing.

Peter was fine.

His strategy was simple: keep telling himself he was okay and then everyone else might believe him. 

Peter Parker was fine.

He repeated it like a mantra, like a religious prayer. Someone once said that perception is reality, so if he perceived himself to be fine, then he was fine, right? If he lied enough times it would become truth, right? Fake it till you make it? Peter had to be okay for the good of Queens and for the good of everyone. So he was fine.

He was spiderman, swinging around queens and helping people. The vulture incident was a while ago, and he had moved on. School was good, patrol was good, May had found out but she was chiller about it then Peter thought she would’ve been. 

The looks of concern had started up two months ago when May had looked at him, eyes filled with worry, and asked if he was okay. He had said yes. Because, obviously, he was fine. 

Next it was Ned, the day afterwards. When he saw Peter in the morning his eyebrows raised and he asked, concerned, “Peter, you Okay?”

Peter had replied that yes, he was fine, no need to worry. What was the big fuss about?

Then it was MJ, sliding curious glances at Peter at random points in the day, until one time she walked over to him and asked him. He had said yes. It's not like he could afford to not be okay.

Next it was Flash, which left Peter shocked. He had sidled up to Peter’s locker and Peter had braced himself for a round of insults that didn’t come. Instead, Flash looked around warily. 

“You okay, Parker?” Peter nodded. Yes, he was fine, and he went back to his books. 

Tony had asked a few weeks afterwards, on a lab day, if Peter was feeling alright. Peter said yes, because he was. School was great, patrol was great, everything was fine. Why did people keep asking him? Tony didn’t respond to his question.

Peter was so focused on being fine that he didn’t realize wounds took longer to heal then they previously did, or that his appetite had decreased dramatically, or that he wasn’t getting as much sleep as he used to. He tossed and turned for hours on end, before deciding that if he couldn’t fall asleep, he might as well patrol. He didn’t realize that going out as spiderman had become obsessive until it was too late. 

The next few weeks until summer passed in a blur. He was, obviously, excited about getting to patrol every day instead of going to school. So much that he barely had the energy to focus on school with summer so close. As a result, his final grades were slipping, and he had to assure both May and Tony that it was just a summer excitement. Nothing else. 

However, all in the back of Peter’s subconscious, he knew this was a lie. He knew he woke up breathless from nightmares but chose to forget them, every single night. He knew he panicked when he smelled fire or when he saw construction on the side of the road. Unstable structures made him shaky, and his grades were slipping because all he could do was patrol. It was an obsession, and Peter knew that. 

Subconsciously. He chose to keep it that way. It was better than facing the realities and the pain.

And subconsciously, he knew that he couldn’t keep it up. What he didn't know? That Tony Stark was the one going to bring it down.

••••••••••

Tony knew something was wrong with Peter, even if Peter didn’t exactly know himself. He didn’t miss the decrease of appetite and the small bloodstains from wounds that didn’t heal completely. He didn’t miss the way Peter’s hands shook when he burnt the frozen pizza upstairs, or the way he flinched back when they were traveling near construction. There was something on the news the other day about a crane falling into an apartment building. Peter’s eyes had blown open, big and wide, and his breathing had become more erratic. 

Tony knew a panic attack when he saw one, but when he asked Peter, all he got was a wave of dismissal and a “fine. Im fine.” Tony wondered who he was trying to convince.

It had been a slow process that Tony had watched from the sidelines. He wasn’t good at comforting people, wasn’t even good at addressing other’s issues.How exactly do you start that conversation? Hey, i think you are beginnig to have a mental illness that may fuck up your life like it fucked mine? Yeah, Tony could picture that conversation going great. 

He watched the progression and didn’t say anything, didn’t do anything, but looking at the situation that was right in front of him? He regretted it. Regretting sitting there and doing nothing, assuming Peter was fine, even though he could see the look in Peter’s eyes. The kid was becoming obsessed, and Tony didn’t notice until it was too late. 

Because Peter, Peter, his kid, was sitting in a hospital bed with a bullet wound in his leg, just recently removed and stitched. Peter was asleep, and Tony watched him toss and turn in bed. If only he was there, his kid wouldn’t be in the hospital right now. He was supposed to protect his kid (he didn’t know exactly when the kid had become his kid), and now? He looked at the statistics karen had provided, and a wave of guilt hit him. Peter had been getting one to two hours of sleep per night, patrolling until four in the morning, then going home and finishing his homework. Barely eating anything, barely sleeping, barely maintaining his grades- the signs of losing control and giving up were all there. And he had missed it. 

His kid had been in the hospital sleeping for two days now after he had blacked out from the bullet pain. The doctors said it was going to take a while for him to wake up. It was his body’s way of coping with the little amounts of sleep Peter had been getting. Tony had barely left his bedside, leaving only when Pepper ordered him to take a shower. 

In the time he had been there, he had barely taken his eyes off Peter. His kid looked so fragile, so much like a kid that it scared Tony a little bit. He had been through so much, and for Tony to see him hurting physically pained Tony, deep in his stomach. The kid had wiggled his way into Tony’s life, no matter how hard Tony tried to deny it. Tony suspected the same thing had happened to Happy, as he was standing outside the hospital door, guarding Peter. Guarding him from what, Tony wasn’t sure. 

His kid stirred, and Tony leaned forward a little, resting a hand on Peter’s and squeezing it gently. The kid said he was fine. Tony knew better now. He knew that Peter’s reaction time was slower, which probably landed the bullet in his leg. Tony was just glad that it didn't land in his head. 

Over the next few hours, Tony tried to distract himself from the worry that held him captive. Fiddling with the newest update on his Starkphone, he could do anything but focus. His gaze kept going to Peter, Peter, HIS kid. He smiled softly at him, brushing Peter’s hair back from his forehead, pretending like he hadn’t done that, again and again, for the past 24 hours. 

He smiled wider when Peter’s eyes began to flutter open. He began to mumble incoherently as he began to wake, then seemed to notice Tony’s hand in his. His eyes widened and he blinked, rapidly, as if trying to determine whether he was dreaming or not. He eventually settled on the dreaming option, as he looked away and didn’t say anything, mumbling once more about something Tony couldn’t distinguish. 

Tony just smiled, then let his kid fall back asleep.

The second time Peter woke up, Tony was not there, busy taking a two minute shower that pepper forced him into. 

Once FRIDAY alerted him, he got in his robe and sprinted, soap suds of shampoo still in his hair. Peter looked up when Tony entered the room and smiled blearily. The kid was probably high as a kite, based on how his pupils were dilated and he was looking around with a giant goofy grin on his face. He looked like he just got a nice sale from his dealer. 

“Hey kid, how are you holding up?” Tony asked nonchalantly, pretending he wasn’t covered in soap suds and sitting down in the chair. 

“Are you bubbly?” he asked, then giggled to himself. Tony chuckled a little.

“yeah, I am,” he said, which caused Peter to giggle even more. They sat in a moment of silence for a minute before Peter began to speak.

“You know Tony, I really love you,” he said, and Tony froze. Every joint crept to a stop, and his mind was screaming. 

Wait, what? The fuck? This kid must be really high. Yeah, that’s it. He’s just high. 

“I love you, like, as much as i love spiderman. That’s a lot.” Peter giggled softly and grabbed Tony’s hand, holding it in his own. 

Tony was still frozen, barely processing Peter’s words, barely able to think anything, when a doctor walked through the door. She was tall and held a clipboard in her hands, and began talking.

“He is awake, which is good. He is to stay off his leg until clearance by a doctor. We do not know the full capabilities of his healing, but we estimate the healing will take about two weeks. He may be moved into his own quarters in the tower after one week but It is recommended that he stay resting for the remaining week. Any question for the long term recovery of the wound?” she asked, completely unphased by Tony’s appearance. 

“No. none here,” Tony all but yelped, not hearing a word of was she had said. His mind was still screaming at Peter’s comment, and a strong warmth rose in his chest. A warmth that seemed to be there whenever Peter was around. When Tony turned to look at Peter again, he was asleep, his hand lax in Tony’s grip. When he looked up again, the nurse had left, and it was dark outside the window. He sighed, then got up and went to finish his shower.

**********

Peter knew he had to do something. 

He had spent a total of three days ten hours here, in this hospital bed, unmoving. He hadn’t been patrolling and he needed to. No, you don’t understand, he NEEDED to. The white walls were driving him crazy and he needed out. He needed to be saving people. He needed to do the one thing he was actually good for, the only thing he was good for. The reason Mr. Stark kept him around, the reason he was okay. 

(Peter knew that was a lie.)

Everything was screaming at him, from the white walls to his very own skin. Everything was screaming “patrol.” it was consuming his thoughts, and he didn’t know how much longer he could last in this bed without going insane. Maybe he was already insane, who knows. All he knew was that he needed out. Now. 

Now that he was thinking about patrol, he didn’t know when his thoughts had become consumed by it. Everything was about it, but Peter knew why. It was the only thing he was good at doing, so he had to keep doing it. He had to.

He got up. He needed to patrol. No one else could understand. Especially Tony.

He hobbled out the door, trying to walk normally. It didn’t matter if he was in pain. He had to do this, he needed to do this. 

He was walking out the door- literally walking out the door- when he heard a voice behind him.

“Peter?” Peter didn’t know why he wanted to start crying after Tony said his name, so he quickly dismissed the thought to the back of his mind. Tony was walking fast towards him, and Peter was frozen in time, watching an expression of concern dawn over Tony’s face. 

“Kid, what are you doing? What about your leg?” he asked, worry evident in his voice. 

“I’m fine,” Peter said, wishing it was true. Tony smiled softly, sadly. 

“No kid, you’re not,” he whispered. Anger rose up in his chest, so strong it surprised him. 

“Yes I am!” he shouted, then began pacing, ignoring the pain in his leg.

“You don’t understand. I have to do this, I need to do this, you wouldn’t get it-”

“I get more than you think, kiddo,” Tony interrupted softly. 

“Oh yeah?!” Peter yelled, “Like what?!” Tony sighed but didn’t make any move to go closer to Peter. 

“Before I even met you, I was obsessed with the iron man suits. I had at least forty of them. This was after the wormhole, and i couldn’t cope with it. So I channeled that negativity and lack of control into Iron Man. it was unhealthy. And I-”

“I’m not OBSESSED! I am in control, I can cope, I’m fine!” Peter shouted, then continued.

“Just because you couldn’t cope doesn’t mean that I can't,” Peter said.

Silence. 

Peter registered the hurt in Tony’s eyes for a split second before he masked it with a stone cold expression, no longer concerned like the face from before. 

Shit. 

What had Peter done?

The next thing Peter knew, Tony was slipping his sunglasses on and walking away. Away from Peter. And as much as he wanted to go after Tony, to beg at his feet and apologize, he needed to patrol. He needed to. 

He started crying as soon as he walked through the door, and didn’t realize that Tony had turned back to watch him swing through the door through his dark sunglasses.

**********

Weak weak weak weak even Peter thinks so you’re weak and stupid and so fucking dumb.

Tony finally allowed himself to crack in the safety of his workshop. The past few days had been an absolute rollercoaster of emotions from ohmygodhetoldmehelovedme to hethinksyou’reweakandstupidbecausethat’swhatyouare. 

Tony sighed and grimaced, sitting down on the small couch in his workshop. Should he go after Peter? Should he try and talk him down? Or should he just wait until his kid gets back?

(his kid. Peter will always be his kid.)

“Boss, it appears Spiderman is in trouble,” Friday said from above him. Anxiety spiked in Tony’s chest. 

Of course he was going to go get himself killed. Right after an argument.

He called the suit to him, then blasted out of the tower onto the streets of New York. 

When he got to Peter’s location he could barely recognize what was happening. A man in all black was battling Peter, who was clearly losing. Before either the man or Peter knew what was happening, Tony shot one missile at him, and he fell to the ground, immediately paralyzed. Peter whipped around and Tony held up his hands. 

“I had that!” Peter shouted, causingTony to flinch back. 

“Oh did you? FRIDAY said you were in trouble, so here I am! I’m sorry for worrying about my kid!” Tony replied angrily. Then he watched as Peter froze. 

“Your kid?” he asked quietly, and Tony took a step back, prepared for another onslaught of shouting, of Peter telling him that no, he was not Tony’s kid. That Tony was weak and could never be strong enough to be a-

“Tony?” Peter’s voice interrupted his thoughts, and he turned his attention back to Peter, who had removed his mask. To say that Tony was surprised to see the tears was an understatement. Peter gave Tony a watery smile and shuffled his feet. 

“Tony, I’m- I’m really sorry. If you- I mean- if you don't want me, you know, as your kid anymore, I understand-” Tony held up his hand.

“Kid, shut up. Stop that thought before it starts. You want to go back to the tower and work this out?” 

Peter nodded vigorously, and took the hand Tony had reached out. He grabbed onto Peter and blasted off, heading to the tower. 

When they reached the entrance Tony took off the suit and sent back with a wave of his hand. He continued walking until he reached one of the couches, where he sat down. He patted to seat next to him and Peter sat down a few feet away, as if he wasn’t allowed to be near Tony. Or didn’t want to be. Tony cringed inwardly as the insecurities started back up.

“So Tony, first, I’m sorry-” he choked on his words as tears started pouring down his face again. 

“I know I haven't been very, I don’t know, open? With you? I haven’t been talking, really, at all, and I’m sorry. I just-”

Tony moved forward before he could help himself, and then Peter, his kid, was in his arms. The overwhelming urge to protect washed over him, and he suddenly wanted to hurt the person who made Peter cry like this. 

“Shhh, its okay Peter, I’m here.”

“Tony- I don’t know what is happening to me. I was fine but now everything is falling apart and I'm not fine anymore and I'm scared. I’m really scared, Tony. The vulture- He’s always there- like when I sleep, when I’m awake, and I can’t make a piece of fucking toast without thinking about him and I don’t like burning things, and I can’t be around fires, and planes freak me out. I can’t be a normal fucking person and I’m so fucking tired.”

“Kid, its okay, it's going to be okay. We’re going to work through this. Keep talking to me,” Tony said, knowing that if Peter had time to get lost in his thoughts he would never make it out. 

“And all of that turns into a need to patrol. Like, I can't control it. I need to. And I’m sorry I know I’ll never be good enough and I’ll never be better-”

“Woah kid, where’s this coming from?” he asked, completely bewildered by the turn of conversation. 

“Well, you said on the ferry, you wanted me to be better and I just can’t but I’m trying so hard.”

There was a moment of silence as Peter sobbed and Tony shook his head vigorously, trying to form words that would undo what he had said on the Ferry. He wanted to hit himself for saying something like that to Peter, who had a mind so incredibly similar to his, especially when it came to guilt. There was, however, a plethora of things that were different, and being a good person was one of them. 

“Look, kid, I’m not the best with comforting and things like this, but, um, I already think you’re better, okay? You have proven yourself to me over and over again and you don’t need to push yourself this hard just to be worth it. I have second guessed myself a lot, but I’ve never second guessed my choice about you.”

Peter looked up at him hopefully and Tony smiled at him. 

“Really?” Peter asked, more years streaming down his face. Tony nodded, then hugged him tighter. 

“Of course, kid.”

**Author's Note:**

> I usually don’t like my writing and this is no exception. Doesn’t mean it’s actually bad, it’s just me being critical. Kudos and comments help. If there is anything I can do to improve, lemme know!  
> Thanks for reading <3


End file.
